An Essay

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple ...
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?...If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?...

In what language do people recite a play, and play at a recital? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and as cold as hell another?

When a house burns ups, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch I start it but when I wind up this essay, I end it.